What is your ‘inner critic’ and how can we stand up to it?

Have you ever heard your child say something like: “I’m not good at this”, “I’m so stupid” or “It’s all my fault,” or even, “I shouldn’t have even tried.”? Over time, these behaviours can grow into what we all have come to know as the ‘inner critic’.

We all contain an ‘inner nitpicker’, but we shouldn’t let it drag us down and drown out everything else. We all have two different voices inside us: one that is nurturing and one that is critical; one that lifts up, and one that weighs us down. Both of these voices have a role to play. Our ‘inner nurturer’ brings self-compassion and encouragement, while the ‘inner critic’ helps you recognise where you’ve gone wrong and what you need to do to set things right.

However, for most people, the ‘inner critic’ goes way overboard, throwing dart after dart of scolding, shaming, nit-picking and fault-finding. It’s big and powerful, while the inner nurturer is small and ineffective, wearing down your mood, self-worth and resilience.

Happily, there are good ways to reset this balance by restraining the critic and strengthening the nurturer inside yourself. So how do you start a conversation with your children about the self-critical thoughts that we all have running on repeat in the back of our minds?

Tips on how to stand up to those negative self-criticisms:

• First, try to observe how self-criticism operates inside you.
• Be aware of anger at yourself that seems out of proportion to what has happened.
• Consider how a self-critical attitude developed inside you, perhaps when you were younger.
• When the ‘inner critic’ starts pounding away, turn to your ‘inner nurturer’ as a refuge and an ally.
• Try and imagine a ‘caring committee’ inside yourself with different characters who represent various kinds of support and wisdom.
• Argue against your ‘inner critic’ and truly intend to win!
• Be aware of the integrity and lovingness deep inside you, even if it’s not always apparent or expressed.

This video was shared with our Year 10 students about this concept.

Jessica Baddeley
Level Leader: Year 10